


another day to find you (needless to say, i'll be stumbling away)

by cactusboob



Category: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Genre: (from third to second), (sort of), Angst, D/s undertones, F/M, Love, M/M, Obsession, Poetic Pining, Suicide, Unrequited, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactusboob/pseuds/cactusboob
Summary: “Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”-Do or die, he thinks, to sink or to swim? He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and plunges himself into the water. There is his choice, his answer, in that simple action. Water fills his nose, he is going to die. C'est la vie, Ferris would say, waving his hand about in a dismissive way.
Relationships: Ferris Bueller/Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller/Sloane Peterson
Kudos: 14





	another day to find you (needless to say, i'll be stumbling away)

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is highly based on that other Cameron/ferris work i did. (i think its titled "kiss me before you leave me?" or something ((self promo lol))
> 
> when it's in second person, it is still from cam's pov  
> (tbh i just forgot i was writing in third person)
> 
> summary may change

he is underwater– sinking, drowning,  _ dying. _ as a child, he was immensely captivated by death. what happens after? during? and, now, he will be able to find out. as his lungs fill with water, and he floats further down to the bottom.

_ gonna die in a hot tub with ferris bueller and his girlfriend, _ he thinks, as he takes what feels like his last breath, desperate and deep and  _ painful _ . his heart is beating too fast to be dead, too slow to be alive. he wants to stay something, anything. he wants to have his last words, but he can't get his mouth to work, not under all the chlorinated water. 

_ deep breaths– inhale, exhale, _ he thinks, which is just plain stupid, really. deep breaths while  _ drowning? _ that's beyond stupid. incomprehensibly so. he's nearly dead, he knows he is. just a few more seconds. five, maybe seven.

and, then—

"cameron, cam-  **cameron** !" it's ferris, he is calling your name, calling it out from the mountain tops.  _ go away, _ you want to say, _ i'm not home– i don't feel well.  _ but, you don't. part because you can't, and part because you know ferris won't listen.

his arms are wrapped around your middle (under different circumstances, if things were  _ different _ – you'd be blushing scarlet like a little schoolgirl), and he is pulling you up, up. water cascades around you, falling down as if you were some sort of fountain. ancient and cracked. beautifully broken, perhaps. 

droplets of water get caught in your eyelashes, you catch glimpses of sloane, ferris, the outside world. they are in a prism, look as if they are only fractals of themselves. 

it all comes back slowly: your breath, your bearings, your panic, your anger, your _pain._ ferris watches you like a hawk, never looking away. if ferris is the watchful hawk, sloane is the scared moviegoer. she wants to look, you can tell, and she does, occasionally. only to immediately look away, casting her eyes as if she has come across something intimate. 

maybe she has; maybe she hasn't. you don't know, you never know.

you do know, however, this: yet again, ferris has saved you from yourself. your life and your (near) death, all wrapped around ferris. how can they not be? when ferris is already everywhere else?  _ maybe this isn't healthy _ , you'd begin to think, sporadically. but, before you can ride that train of thought further, there is ferris, with his sunshine-scent, his snarky, confident voice, his beautifully intense eyes, alight with mischievousness and  _ danger _ , who smiles, and says," cam, cam- listen. i've got and idea and it is  _ genius _ -no, you won't get in trouble, i promise- and this is what we're -yes, we're, as in me and  _ you _ \- are gonna do," and, really, who expects you to be able to think when ferris opens his mouth?

is he, is ferris the one who has saved your life? or the one who has doomed it? is he your batman, or your joker? the poison or the antidote? ferris is an anomaly, a paradox. he is new york, and you are wisconsin.

—"ferris bueller, you're my hero." 

===

it is months, maybe even years, before, and ferris and cameron are sat in his car. later, cameron won't be able to remember  _ why, _ exactly, that they're just sat there, silent as a couple of mice while a-ha plays on.

maybe ferris had said something, and he was waiting for cameron's response. or vice versa. but, really, that doesn't matter. that is not the point. the point is this, these next few things that happen in this order, that he thinks about all the time.

the song nears its end,,

_ ~slowly learning that life is okay~ _

cameron hums along, terribly off key (but ferris, ferris sounds amazing as he sings along. like honey and molasses and chocolate and soft, soothing rain),

_ ~say after me~ _

ferris gets that, that  _ look _ in his eyes, the one you've long since learned to approach with extreme caution,

_ ~It's no better to be safe than sorry~ _

there is a flurry of movement, and, now, ferris is much, much closer than what he was before. you gulp, suddenly nervous, 

_ ~take on me (take on me)~ _

and, then, there are lips. there are lips and they are ferris' and they are on your's,

~ _ i'll be gone~ _

the kiss doesn't last long, not really. ferris pulls apart, situates himself back in his seat and says,"drive, cam,"

_ ~in a day or two~ _

it won't be spoken of until days, weeks, months later. when graduating is afoot, and they're so drunk, they're seeing little peacocks jump about the lawn.

===

everyone is positively enamoured with ferris. he has charmed them all. cameron doesn't know what it is that makes ferris so, so, well,  _ ferris _ -like. charisma? confidence? sometimes, he wishes he could be ferris.

ferris is so confident, so sure, so ready to risk nearly everything for an adventure.

cameron sniffles  _ once, _ and he's done for the next  _ month _ .

sloane, surprisingly, understands. "ferris," she says, practically out of the blue," has no worries. of any kind. graduation, college, the future? 'phooey,' he says to it all, because he does not care. not in a care in the world for the  _ ferris bueller. _ " she is smiling sweetly, showing off brilliantly white teeth, but she sounds bitter. like what she's saying is an insult, of some sort.

maybe it is; maybe it isn't. 

===

"why," he begins, foolishly. never ask why. ferris stops sucking little bruises into the skin of cameron's collar bone. he cocks his head, like a confused puppy. "why not," he counters. 

and, of course.

ferris is all  _ sink or swim, do or die, _ **_why not_ ** _?  _

cameron is not. cameron is sink, cameron is die, cameron is why.

heh. his mother does always say," opposites attract cam, like magnets!"

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you've read that other cameron/ferris work- yes, yes that *is* the exact same last line from kissme?


End file.
